dear welfare

by Leslie Bull (more...)
Posted on July 14, 2003

03/31/03

dear welfare:

how many ways can i freak out.
how many ways can i explain my feelings.
too many.
i jerked awake after a scant five hours of sleep
finally making the connection between the article in the paper saying you are cutting 17,000 for non-payment of premiums
and my own situation.
it took three days but realization hit me early this morning and i rushed downstairs to my overflowing bill box and found the sordid truth
dated: 03/19/03
NICE TITLE: OHP-OPU Disqualification
We are ending Oregon Health Plan medical benefits for:
you
you dirty slut, you worthless fucking WHORE
disease ridden freak
who fucking cares
if you die
in fact the quicker you die
the more money we will save.
to this i say:
but i'm not a freak.
Your household did not pay its OHP premium on time. You cannot get OHP benefits for six months beginning 04/01/03.
instant shame
as guts plummet into shoes
i am filled with sickness and dread
why didn't i................
JUST FUCKING DIE!
but i only owe 6$.
tramp, don't talk back to me
don't you know i can kill you?
without so much as knowing your name.
you are a number
encoded in a program
without human contact
your messy diseases
kept safely out of my sight.
you can EXPIRE
just like your benefits did.
okay, okay, calm down daddy-o, i know the drill
hit those streets and don't come back 'til i got yo money
that's right little girl
You must also pay the past due premiums.
why is it so hard to please you?
why do i lose or forget to open your communications?
why can't i face you at all
let alone get through to you on the telephone.
why are you so mean to me?
after all, i was just diagnosed with hep c
and i really need to see my doctor
please, after all these years of loyalty
don't turn your back on me
for less than you spent on
yesterday's lunch.
You were billed a premium last month that you did not pay.
bitch! where's my money?
i'm sorry, please,
think of all those times i stood in line for you
and suffered humiliation.
think of the reams of paperwork
i've staggered though
and the way i've begged, lied, and stole to keep you happy.
what more could i do?
i've been so tired lately i thought maybe you could give me a break
big daddy
let me rest up a minute.
that's all i need around here is a lazy ho
these lazy fuckin' hos 'll take over the damn place if you don't keep up on 'em.
don't forget:
You must tell your worker if you paid the premium.
i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'll get your money, please just let me see my doctor...
If you disagree with this decision you have the right to a hearing.
please! i'm begging you! my symptom's are worsening and i am afraid, please give me one more chance,
i'll do better
i'll open all your notices and get all the money you ask for
we been together off and on nearly 25 years now
don't that mean nuthin'?
Your medical benefits will end 03/31/03.